I haven’t written about Anthony Bourdain since he died in 2018. I didn’t know what to write. I could go on and on about how much he influenced my career or how much he changed the language around what we eat and why and the cultures that surround it. 

I could write about how I read Kitchen Confidential in a 24 hour period after my culinary school professor recommended it on my first day in demo classes. I could write about his way with words and honesty. About how he captured the plight of a line cook in a few chapters or how he took his honest way of writing to television through No Reservations and eventually Parts Unknown. 

But the fact of the matter is, I didn’t know him. I never met him, I saw him live at Massey Hall, once, but in my years as a food writer I never even came close to interviewing him.

I tried writing a long post on various social media platforms but the words could never come to me. I couldn’t really describe how much his style of writing influenced mine and how infectious his infusion of food and culture was to me. 

When I found out the Roadrunner was hitting theatres this summer, I was excited, I re-tweeted and followed the documentary on Twitter, numerous times. But still I couldn’t quite put into words how his work influenced mine, and what a gaping hole his death left in the food writing industry. He was a food influencer before that was even a thing. 

I needed to see this movie. So imagine my excitement when I got passes to an at-home screening of the movie. I told my sisters, my friends, my co-workers in the days leading up to the screening. But as the evening approached I became more solemn. I hate that he’s not alive to hate that there’s a documentary about his life. What was I going to find out about Bourdain that I didn’t already know?

The answer to that question is not much. 

While it was fascinating to see clips from the pilot of A Cook’s Tour and outtakes from No Reservations and Parts Unknown, there wasn’t a lot of information presented in the movie that I didn’t already know. 

Roadrunner presents Bourdain in the lost moments of his numerous TV shows, through outtakes, home video, interviews before his book and television career took off. It portrays Bourdain how we knew him: authentic, sardonic, and sarcastic. Unfortunately where the movie fell flat was in the interviews with the people who knew him. Aside from Bourdain’s second wife Ottavia Busia and artist David Choe, the interviews seemed a little too filtered, especially considering the subject matter. 

There is some controversy surrounding the use of AI to get Bourdain’s voice to say things he never actually said while he was living. Direct Morgan Neville crafted three quotes using an AI model of his voice and some people are not happy about it. I’m not sure where I stand on this issue, it is a little morbid, but doesn’t Hollywood do this all time? When actor’s die they use body doubles to finish the film - Paul Walker in Fast and Furious 7 or Heath Ledger in The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus.

Maybe it’s because Neville didn’t get permission from Bourdain’s loved ones, or because this film is a documentary and not a work of fiction, but he clearly could have used the copious amounts of voice over that was already at his disposal. But it sure speaks to the film, which at times seems inauthentic.

While there were a few glimmers of authenticity scattered throughout the documentary, I’m not sure there was enough to save it. I appreciate Neville’s venture into Bourdain’s unsavoury characteristics including his anger, addictive personality, and his self-sabotaging tendencies in the final year of his life. I almost wish Neville had spent more time talking about Bourdain’s mental health and his struggles with it.

A poignant moment in the film came from Choe when he discussed an email he received from Bourdain that simply said: “I’m successful, you’re successful. Are you happy?” The truth is under his sarcastic nature, Bourdain was in pain. He addresses this in a clip from Parts Unknown when he visits where he started his career in Provincetown. He says about his early days as a line cook “I was in pain, from what I don’t know.” 

The truth is depression isn’t about a specific pain, there is no one event you can point to when someone takes their own life. All we can do is find little bits of happiness along the way. 

If you or anyone you know is contemplating taking your own life please call The Canadian Suicide Prevention Service at 1-833-456-4566. 

Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain hits select theatres today.